


Who the hell goes to Maryland for dick?

by innogueira



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Based on a True Story, M/M, POV Sam Wilson, Sam Wilson is So Done, Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson Friendship, and Clint Barton - Freeform, bucky barne's dick is that good, mentions of Bucky Barnes - Freeform, steve is not a good bro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-12
Updated: 2018-08-12
Packaged: 2019-06-26 13:08:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15663837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/innogueira/pseuds/innogueira
Summary: “You’re..” Sam took a deep breath, pinching the bridge of his nose. Natasha gave him a curious look over her shoulder as she set the meatloaf in the middle of Sam’s kitchen table. “You’re in Maryland?”Steve Rogers is always late. Sam knows better of course, but the meatloaf is ready and Natasha is halfway through a bottle of Merlot, and Sam's hungry. Very hungry. Calling Steve to know why the hell he is late takes an unexpected turn.





	Who the hell goes to Maryland for dick?

**Author's Note:**

> The tale of a true story turns into this. Shout out to the Fam Squad for supporting this mess!

This night had been planned for at least a month. Trying to match the schedule of three working adults was tough, but they always made it work. It was more of a monthly occurrence now, though, while it had been a weekly ritual back in college.

Family dinners, Sam liked to call them. He started them back in college, because his roommates were literal walking disasters and couldn’t be around a kitchen without the fire department being called. Steve tried enough times that they actually just got a fire extinguisher on the kitchen counter instead of the fire station number on their speed dial. Natasha didn’t even try, but she managed to burn some left overs on the microwave once, so Sam withdrew kitchen privileges from her as well.

That left them with little nutritional options and it wasn’t like they had enough money as college students to order food or go out every night. So Sam let them have horrible diets during the week, but cooked something homemade for them every Sunday. The only rule is that they had to properly sit down on a table and not on the couch in front of the TV.

It worked, and it actually brought them closer together. They came to DC alone and they found a family there. Sam just wanted to keep that as they kept growing older and their schedules made it harder to meet up 

Today was Family Dinner day and Sam already had his famous meatloaf in the oven and was finishing the mashed potatoes and grilling some green beans to go with it. Natasha was already sipping on the Merlot she brought, feet up on the chair next to her.

“So I told him, _ ‘you know where to find me’ _ ,” she laughed, shaking her head and taking another sip from her glass. “What an asshole.”

“Dude, I really don’t know how you handle all of those douchebags. Capitol Hill sounds like the worst fucking place to work in the world,” Sam said as he cleaned his hands on a towel and leaned down to check on the meatloaf in the oven. Nearly done.

“Eh, anything else would bore me,” Natasha shrugs and reaches for the bottle to fill her glass again. “Speaking of boring, where’s Steve?”

“Late, as usual,” Sam leans back against the counter, picking up his phone to check the time. “Half an hour, could be worse.” he shrugged and went back to the stove, killing the flame, as the mashed potatoes, the gravy, and the greens were already done. They only had to wait for Steve and they could get digging. Cooking always got Sam hungry.

“Remember that time he showed up two hours late and there was no food left for him?” Natasha reminisced with a grin.

“He really needs to stop working late,” Sam agreed, picking up his phone before looking up at Natasha. “Should I call him? I’m sure the reminder of no food, if he’s doing another late night on our sacred dinner night, will make him get his ass over here asap.”

She raised her glass and leaned back on her chair, tilting it slightly “Excellent idea. I’m starving, if he doesn’t get here in ten minutes I’m taking his plate.”

“You already ate all the bread, Nat, you’re tiny, how can you fit so much food in there?” Sam shook his head as he lifted his phone to his ear, already calling Steve.

It wasn’t a safe bet. Steve wasn’t a big fan of modern technology and not only did he still walk around with one of the first smartphones to come out, he’s not a big fan of phone calls. Specially when he’s working on a new art piece. Still, this was their special night and Sam wasn’t about to let Steve’s workaholic ass ruin it.

It rang four times before Steve picked up. Must have been a record.

“Sam?” Steve sounds confused as he answers the phone. Sam already knows he is either very late or just remembered he had something else to do other than work.

“Your phone has as caller ID? I’m surprised,” Sam laughed.  “Anyway, just wanted to know when you’re getting here. Nat’s taking the meatloaf out of the oven and you know it’s always better fresh out,” Sam pointed to the oven so Natasha could get the hint. She sighed dramatically but put her glass down, getting up and reaching for the oven gloves before pushing Sam away so she could work. “Where are you?”

There was a silent beat before Steve answered. “Cumberland.”

Cumberland Street! Sam raised his arms and praised the heavens, before getting his phone up to his ear. “Great! That’s five minutes away. Oh, wait. Can you stop by that grocery store with the good ice cream? Nat got the wine, you bring the dessert.”

The line is silent and Sam thinks for a moment that Steve hung up on him. He looks at the screen just to confirm it and nope, still on the line.

“Cumberland, Sam… as in… the town.. in Maryland,” In Steve’s defense, he did sound apologetic. “Two hours away.

“You’re..” Sam took a deep breath, pinching the bridge of his nose. Natasha gave him a curious look over her shoulder as she set the meatloaf in the middle of Sam’s kitchen table. “You’re in Maryland?”

“I.. Yes?”

“What the fuck are you doing in Cumberland, Maryland, dude?” Sam is talking calmly, not because he’s calm, hell no, but because he doesn’t actually want to burst a vein in his head.

Sam can almost see Steve’s apologetic face. How he bites his lips with that stupid smile and honestly, it might have worked if they were face to face, but no way it’s gonna work through the phone. “Remember that guy I told you I met on Tinder the other week? With the pretty eyes? Bucky?”

Sam took a deep, long breath, straightening his back- Lord give him strenght to deal with thi white nonsense. “If you are telling me you ditched our family dinner because some greasy haired fuckboy was so horny you actually drove up to meet him, I will seriously murder you, Steven Grant Rogers.” h Sam threatened, and before Steve could spit out so lame ass apology, Sam continued. “How could you do this, man? We rarely get to be together. The three of us, in the same place.”

“Sam, I’m sorry, I forgot it was today, it’s normally on a Friday.” Steve apologises. “Didn’t Nat have that yoga class today?”

“Yes, she cancelled because she actually cares about her friends. And doesn’t leave them for some Tinder dick. IN ANOTHER STATE.” Sam yelled out to the phone. Natasha was grinning at him, clearly amused by the whole situation. Sam was considering murdering her as well.

“Sam, c’mon, you know I didn’t mean it. I miss you guys.” Steve tries his best at trying to save his ass, but Sam has had it. 

One night! That’s all he asks from them and Steve still ditches them for some boy he met last week. He ditches his meatloaf! “Well, I hope that dick is the fucking bomb because that’s what you traded my fantastic meatloaf for.”

“Sam…”

“No, I don’t want to hear it.” Sam interrupted, even raising a finger, as if Steve is right in front of him. “I made this meal with so much love and care, dude. Because I love you. And you leave me for Maryland dick?”

“To be fair, he is from Brooklyn.”

Sam groans “How does that make any of this better, Steven?!” he runs a hand through his face, thinking about a hundred different ways to curse Steve into next week, but he’s not going to waste his time on traitors “You know what? I don’t want to hear it. Go eat a dick.”

Sam slams his phone on the counter, taking a few seconds, trying to catch his breath. If this is what having kids is like, Sam is sitting out on that one. As he turns back to Natasha, he points at his phone. “Can you believe this shit? We see each other every other week and even then it’s hard to schedule things and this guy texts him and Steve is already past the state border?” 

“Well, Steve does need to get laid, he spends all of his time in that studio.” she shrugs, reaching for the mashed potatoes and sitting back on her chair. She had been setting the table throughout that entire call. “Or that dick really is that good he drives two hours to get it.”

“You’re really not helping Nat.”

She hums, starting to fix her a plate. “Can we start eating, though? Clint will be at my place in thirty minutes.” 

Sam froze, staring at the red head. “Did you… just schedule a booty call?”

Natasha shrugged casually, “Steve did it, why couldn’t I? Didn’t go to my yoga class, gotta get my daily workout in somehow.” she took a bite of the meatloaf, moaning dramatically. “This is great, Sam, never gets old.”

“I fucking can’t believe you two.” Sam drops himself on his chair as Nat gets him a plate ready. He shakes his head. He’s gotta find better friends, who don’t leave him for some ass. He thought his meatloaf was better than getting dicked down, but apparently not.

“Oh, shut up, just because you don’t have someone on speed dial doesn’t mean you get to be a spoilsport.”

“Fuck you, Nat.”


End file.
